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Ethandrul
Warrior
301 Posts
    
 | | 03/21/2006 9:25 PM |
| Some of the old folks amongst us may remember the original that this is based on...
Ladies and gentlemen, of the Wizards college of '99
Cast Stoneskin.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future
Stoneskin would be it
The long term benefits of stoneskin have been proved by mages.
Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own,
Meandering experience
I will dispense this advice
Now
Enjoy the power and beauty of your first level
Never mind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your first
level
until you've reached 30th.
But trust me
In twenty years, you'll look back at character sheets of yourself and
recall in
a way you can't grasp now
How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really were
You are not as munchkin as you imagine
Don't worry about chronomancy.
Or worry, but know that chronomancy is as effective as trying to solve
The Tomb of Horrors by throwing in a dagger.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be psionicists
that cross your worried mind
The kind that mind probe you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday
Attack one monster, everyday, that scares you
Dancing Lights
Don't be reckless with other people's magic items
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours
Fireball
Don't waste your time on rules
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with your DM
Remember the platinum pieces you receive
Forget the coppers
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old spell scrolls
Throw away your old potions
Polymorph
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you wanna do with your life
The most interesting people I know
didn't know at first level what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting demi-gods I know still don't
Get plenty of treasure
Be kind to your party, you'll miss them when they're gone
Maybe you'll get poisoned
Maybe you won't
Maybe you'll get life drained
Maybe you won't
Maybe you'll reach 40th level
Maybe you'll do Otto's irresistible dance on your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
Or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance
So are everybody else's
Enjoy your spell book
Use it every way you can
Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it
It's the greatest item you'll ever own
Magic Missile
Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them
Do not read clerical books, they will only make you take damage.
Get to know your party
You never know when they'll be gone for good
Be nice to your familiars
They're your best link to your past
And the creatures most likely to stick with you in the future
Understand that adventurers come and go
But with a precious few you should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in Greyhawk and the Forgotten Realms
'Cause the higher level you get
The more you need the people you knew when you were young
Live in the Abyss once, but leave before it makes you hard
Live in Mount Celestia once, but leave before it makes you soft
Planewalk
Accept certain inalienable truths
Levels will rise, rogues will philander
You too will get old, and when you do
You'll fantasize that when you were young
Character classes were reasonable, Paladins were noble
And munchkins respected their elders
Respect your trainers
Don't expect anyone else to teleport you
Maybe you'll kill a Tanar'ri
Maybe you'll kill a wealthy Dragon
But you never know when either one might come back
Don't mess too much with your haste spells
Or by the time you're 40 you will look 85
Be careful of whose equipment you buy
But be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia
Dispensing it, is a way of fishing the past from the disposal
Wiping it off
Painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth
But trust me on the stoneskin
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