Avatar of the Irrelevant
Diomedes
Commander
3173 Posts
    
 | | 10/12/2007 1:44 PM |
| What did the square root of two say at the black panther's rally?
Hey, I'm a radical too!
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zenthrus
Commander
4834 Posts
SLC, UT
| | 10/13/2007 1:57 AM |
| That merits a classic trombone "Wah, wah, wah."
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Knight Warlord a.k.a. Commander (#32) in only 6 months. Where's my pie?
Champion of Dwarven Thunderlashers
Knight of the Large Dire Chicken
Have/Want List
Trade References | |
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vanrulzz
Underboss
2468 Posts
¯\(°_o)/¯
| | 10/13/2007 2:34 PM |
| | that is not the best joke ever... more like something ot of an 8 year old's jokebook. | | | |
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Fun Guy from Yuggoth
Cthulhufnord
Warlord
10802 Posts
Umass Amherst Baby!
| | 10/13/2007 10:04 PM |
| What kind of Fruit can't get married without parental consent?
a Cantelope. 
Thank thank you, I'll be here all week.  | |
Pathetic Earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void - without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe - anything at all - you would have hidden from it in terror. | |
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Wolfgang
Commander
3002 Posts
Milton, Ontario Canada
| | 10/14/2007 3:28 AM |
| what did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt | |
Proud member since March 26 2005
Champion of the SIVAK DRACONIAN
Joke champion of the epic sage!
Demonweb called shot - Sivak Draconian
Feywild called shot - Sivak Draconian
Number of sets with Sivak Draconian as my called shot - 9
Completed trades: (78)
Bad traders(2) DJchuckles, sardal
Trade References
Email Me | |
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vanrulzz
Underboss
2468 Posts
¯\(°_o)/¯
| | 10/14/2007 9:07 AM |
| In the middle of the very gray night a gray contruction worker who worked on a gray construction site was driving his gray car down the gray road when he hit a gray pothole sending one of his gray wheels flying, leaving his gray car immobile in the gray road. He grayly pushed it toward a gray cottage by the side of the gray road. He knocked oin the gray door and a gray black woman answered and said "Hello, do you need a gray bed for the night?" and he said "Yes" He slept in the gray bed with the gray pillows and gray blankets until the gray sun came up into the gray sky. He then was offered some gray cereal; Gray Cheerios or Gray Cornflakes. He picked the gray cheerios and ate it in a gray bowl with gray milk, then went on his gray way to get his car repaired. The next gray night a gray redneck who had a gray trailer hit the same gray pothole in the gray road with his gray rusty truck. He pushed his gray car to the gray cottage and rang the gray dorrbell. A gray black woman opened the gray door and said "Do you need a gray bed for the gray night?" He said "Thank you grayly." He slept in a bed wih gray pillows and gray blankets until the gray sun came up. He was then offered a gray breakfast, a choice of either Gray Cheerios or Gray Cornflakes. He picked the Gray Cornflakes. He then went off to the gray town to get his gray rusty turck fixed. In the middle of the next gray night a gray rich guy in his gray Lamborghini hit the graqy pothole, sending one of his gray tires flying. He walked to the gray cottage and a gray black woman opened the door and said "Do you need a gray bed for the gray night?" He said "Yes" He slept in a gray bed with gray pillows and gray blankets until the gray sun came up into the gray sky. He was then offered a gray breakfast, a choice of either Gray Cheerios or Gray Cornflakes. He picked the gray cheerios and ate them in a gray bowl with gray milk and a gray spoon. He went to pull out his gray cellphone to call the gray limo guy to get him in a gray limosine.
What was the moral of this story?
2 OUT OF 3 PEOPLE PREFER CHEERIOS!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!! | | | |
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Fun Guy from Yuggoth
Cthulhufnord
Warlord
10802 Posts
Umass Amherst Baby!
| | 10/14/2007 9:51 AM |
| | Okay... that wasn't as bad as the clown joke... but not too much better. | |
Pathetic Earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void - without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe - anything at all - you would have hidden from it in terror. | |
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stephengroy
Underboss
1362 Posts
Tempe AZ Beeyotch
| | 10/14/2007 2:17 PM |
| Ouch....
Just....ouch.
Okies, what's black & blue and don't like sex?
The people I have tied up in the basement
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Waiting for Chainmail Equivalencies since 2005
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BoloBaby
Sergeant
640 Posts
Fort Mill, SC
| | 10/14/2007 2:29 PM |
| Posted By vanrulzz on 10/14/2007 9:07 AM
2 OUT OF 3 PEOPLE PREFER CHEERIOS!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!
I thought it was going to be: It's time to buy a color television.
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Champion of the Cleric with Raise Dead | |
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Sirohk
Commander
3809 Posts
USA
| | 10/14/2007 5:25 PM |
| So far nothing living up to this threads title. And if I had one to merit such a title I would certainly share it here with all of you. But how about this one:
What is a cave man's favorite food?Â
Club sandwiches.Â
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Sirohk, the Bard of Heartstone
Knight of the Rahshasa's
And Crusader of the Zakya, Ak'chazar, Naztharune, and Naityan Rakshasa's | |
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vanrulzz
Underboss
2468 Posts
¯\(°_o)/¯
| | 10/14/2007 6:30 PM |
| Posted By Cthulhufnord on 10/14/2007 9:51 AM
Okay... that wasn't as bad as the clown joke... but not too much better.
it was way better man, see the title, BEST JOKE EVER. i live up to that. | | | |
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Fun Guy from Yuggoth
Cthulhufnord
Warlord
10802 Posts
Umass Amherst Baby!
| | 10/14/2007 10:43 PM |
| | Well most of my best material is sadly not "family friendly". | |
Pathetic Earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void - without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe - anything at all - you would have hidden from it in terror. | |
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zenthrus
Commander
4834 Posts
SLC, UT
| | 10/14/2007 11:23 PM |
| | A priest, a rabbi, and an mullah walk into a bar. The rabbi says "What is this, some kind of joke?" | |
Knight Warlord a.k.a. Commander (#32) in only 6 months. Where's my pie?
Champion of Dwarven Thunderlashers
Knight of the Large Dire Chicken
Have/Want List
Trade References | |
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The Great
Choco Monster
Ghendar
Warlord
11226 Posts
The Dark and Forbidding Lands of The Necromancer.
| | 10/15/2007 4:47 AM |
| What would the chicken coup be if it had four doors?
A chicken sedan. | |
Ghendar - Now with 51% more snark
Champion of the Spider Eater with rider.
I actually love to be swallowed. - Posted By gss_000 on 09/04/2007 2:32 PM
How many times in life do you get to eat your own Cthulhu? - Posted By Pedro on 03/31/2008 2:29 | |
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thekidxii
Sergeant
402 Posts
No Yack. I said.. we need a DM not BM!
| | 10/15/2007 5:47 AM |
| WARNING!!! this thread drains wisdom points. Even as I type my brain thinkn' getting more worser.. um I mean less gooder... jeeze... ahhh.. hmm...
[smiles]
heh
[beings to drool]
me go TV now. | |
Champion of the dire hippo.
Audi Vide Tace
"Nothing matters but the weekend, From a Tuesday point of view" -Diamond & Zero | |
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vanrulzz
Underboss
2468 Posts
¯\(°_o)/¯
| | 10/15/2007 12:42 PM |
| Posted By thekidxii on 10/15/2007 5:47 AM
WARNING!!! this thread drains wisdom points. Even as I type my brain thinkn' getting more worser.. um I mean less gooder... jeeze... ahhh.. hmm...
[smiles]
heh
[beings to drool]
me go TV now.
That is correct. | | | |
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Oryan77
Sergeant
955 Posts
| | 10/15/2007 1:56 PM |
| A man and his wife were lost in the desert. The wife started to panic and realized that her husband wasn't worried at all. She yelled at him and said, "Aren't you afraid that we're going to starve out here!?!"
He smiled and replied, "Nope...I plan to eat all the sand-which-is here".
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Miniatures for sale *more added 07/17/08*: Click here
I will buy your unwanted D&D WotC minis collection (DDM only). Email me your asking price! | |
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Oryan77
Sergeant
955 Posts
| | 10/15/2007 2:08 PM |
| Ok one more desert joke...
Three professional athletes were lost out in the desert. A swimmer, a snowboarder, and a surfer.
They found a magic lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out and granted them each one wish.
The swimmer went first and said, "I'm so hot out here in the desert. I wish I was back home swimming in my olympic sized pool."
*Poof*Â He was gone and was back home in his nice cool swimming pool.
The snowboarder went next and said, "I'm not used to this burning hot weather. I wish I was snowboarding down the slopes at Squaw Valley in Tahoe, California where the weather is much cooler."
*Poof* He was gone and was now thrashing down the slopes in Tahoe.
The surfer went last and said, "Dude, I wish for a car door!"
*Poof* A car down appeared right next to the surfer.
The genie looked at him funny and said, "Why do you want a car door?"
The surfer replied, "Man, so I can roll down the window and get cooled off!"
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Miniatures for sale *more added 07/17/08*: Click here
I will buy your unwanted D&D WotC minis collection (DDM only). Email me your asking price! | |
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ShadowLord XT
Commander
2627 Posts
Plane of Shadow
| | 10/15/2007 2:24 PM |
| What's the difference between a friend and a best friend??
Friends help you move.
Best friends help you move bodies. | |
Disipline is the only way to overcome chaos.
Champion of Half-Golems
Knight of Golems
"This world is made for love and peace" - Trigun
"anyway..shadow..you've figured women out. KUDOS." - raye_kino16 | |
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vanrulzz
Underboss
2468 Posts
¯\(°_o)/¯
| | 10/15/2007 2:37 PM |
| Posted By Oryan77 on 10/15/2007 1:56 PM
A man and his wife were lost in the desert. The wife started to panic and realized that her husband wasn't worried at all. She yelled at him and said, "Aren't you afraid that we're going to starve out here!?!"
He smiled and replied, "Nope...I plan to eat all the sand-which-is here".
Forget my brain exploding, my brain just melted into a limp pile of lime jello. | | | |
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Sirohk
Commander
3809 Posts
USA
| | 10/15/2007 3:00 PM |
| What's the difference between a Chemical Engineer and a Chemist?     A Chemical Engineer washes his hands after going to the bathroom.    A Chemist knows to wash thier hands BEFORE going to the bathroom.Â
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Sirohk, the Bard of Heartstone
Knight of the Rahshasa's
And Crusader of the Zakya, Ak'chazar, Naztharune, and Naityan Rakshasa's | |
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wicked cool
Underboss
2083 Posts
| | 10/15/2007 3:12 PM |
| Why is a tree better at guarding your house than a dog.... Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â It has more bark | |
The ROCK layeth the smacketh down. Long live Farscape
Vindicated-CHAMPION of the INTELLECT DEVOURER
i will change my avatar when martin completes dances with dragons | |
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Avatar of the Irrelevant
Diomedes
Commander
3173 Posts
| | 10/16/2007 6:47 AM |
| Okay okay, time for a longer one. There's a physicist, an engineer, and a programmer all driving through mountainous Colorado. After cresting a particularly scenic mountain the driver began to apply the breaks only to find them failing. The three began to scream wildly as they plunged down the steep slope. The engineer opened his car door to try and create some drag, the physicist recalling his youthful bike riding experiences began to drag his foot along the road, the programmer carefully steered down the road careful to not fly off the bends and curves.
Finally the car coasted to a halt at the bottom of the hill. The three got out and thanked their lucky stars to be alive. As they called AAA for a tow, the physicist turned to the other two and said, "The coefficient of friction between the rubber and the asphalt just must not have been high enough given the momentum of the vehicle, that must be why the brakes didn't slow us down!"
The engineer scratched his head and replied, "Possibly possibly.... it could also be that the brake pads just weren't rated for that level of stress and caused the mechanical failure of the brakes."
The programmer stared at them and said, "It could be a lot of things, how about we push the car back up the hill and see if it'll happen again?"
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The Great
Choco Monster
Ghendar
Warlord
11226 Posts
The Dark and Forbidding Lands of The Necromancer.
| | 10/16/2007 10:15 AM |
| Why did Christopher Robin look in the toilet?
He was trying to find Pooh
[rimshot]
I'll be here all week folks. Try the veal. | |
Ghendar - Now with 51% more snark
Champion of the Spider Eater with rider.
I actually love to be swallowed. - Posted By gss_000 on 09/04/2007 2:32 PM
How many times in life do you get to eat your own Cthulhu? - Posted By Pedro on 03/31/2008 2:29 | |
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TheChuck
Warrior
332 Posts
Mississippi, USA
| | 10/16/2007 1:10 PM |
| Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?" | |
Vindicated Champion of a Shadow Mastiff!! DoD 36/60
Vindicated Against the Giants called shot: Huge White Dragon: Elder White Dragon AtG 59/60
Demonweb Called shot: Aspect of Baphomet | |
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kyrin
Commander
3152 Posts
| | 10/16/2007 8:22 PM |
| A teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her students:
"And so Chicken Little went up to the Farmer and said, 'The sky is falling! The sky is falling!' And what do you think the Farmer said, Billy?"
Billy replied, "Holy Crap, a talking chicken!"
(Best when said in a Peter Griffin voice.)
JIM
aka kyrin | |
My Have/Want List <-|-|->My Trades and References 1 <-|-|->My Trades and References 2
Pronounce "Drow" like "crow"! Viva la Revolution! We Shall Overcome!
Vindicated Champion of the Stirge! Vindicated Champion of the Githyanki Knight on Red Dragon!!
Vindicated Champion of the Androsphinx! | |
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Knight of the
Round Table
Thenameless
Warlord
9034 Posts
The Fortress of Solitude
| | 10/16/2007 9:33 PM |
| Posted By ShadowLord XT on 10/15/2007 2:24 PM
What's the difference between a friend and a best friend??
Friends help you move.
Best friends help you move bodies.
Bravo! I like! I like! | |
Over 270 successful online DDM trades. | |
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vanrulzz
Underboss
2468 Posts
¯\(°_o)/¯
| | 10/17/2007 3:02 PM |
| Posted By kyrin on 10/16/2007 8:22 PM
A teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her students:
"And so Chicken Little went up to the Farmer and said, 'The sky is falling! The sky is falling!' And what do you think the Farmer said, Billy?"
Billy replied, "Holy Crap, a talking chicken!"
(Best when said in a Peter Griffin voice.)
JIM
aka kyrin lol
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BoloBaby
Sergeant
640 Posts
Fort Mill, SC
| | 10/21/2007 11:22 AM |
| A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. The bartender says, "What are you doing with that pig?" The woman says, "Sir, this is a DUCK!" The bartender says, "I know, I was talking to the duck."
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Champion of the Cleric with Raise Dead | |
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Knight of the
Round Table
Thenameless
Warlord
9034 Posts
The Fortress of Solitude
| | 10/21/2007 12:38 PM |
| Posted By BoloBaby on 10/21/2007 11:22 AM
A woman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. The bartender says, "What are you doing with that pig?" The woman says, "Sir, this is a DUCK!" The bartender says, "I know, I was talking to the duck."
I've heard it before, but I still like that one. | |
Over 270 successful online DDM trades. | |
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Faragdar the Wise
Commander
3484 Posts
Albuquerque, NM, USA
| | 10/23/2007 1:24 PM |
| Hard to beat the chicken little joke, but on the subject of chickens:
A farmer decides he's tired of plucking his chickens by hand, so he puts out a call for someone to build him an automatic chicken-plucker. Two people respond - an engineer and a physicist. The farmer explains what he wants, and the two men go off to develop their proposals.
A couple days later, the engineer returns with an armful of drawings and says, "Okay, I can build your automatic chicken-plucker. It'll cost $10,000, and it'll pluck 100 chickens per hour." The farmer asks, "Okay, so how does it work?" The engineer lays out his drawings and explains, "See, the chickens come in on this conveyor, and these arms reach in and...[blah, blah, blah], and out come your fully-plucked chickens." The farmer replies, "Okay, I'll consider it and get back to you."
The next day, the physicist returns with a napkin with some equations and drawings scratched on it. He says, "Alright, I can make you your chicken-plucker. It'll cost $1000, and it'll pluck 500 chickens per hour." The farmer's eyes widen. He says, "Wow! That's amazing. How does it work?" The physicist lays down the napkin and says, "Okay. First, assume a spherical chicken..."
Ba, dum, dum. Yes, that was the punch line. If you didn't get it, you haven't taken enough physics classes.  | |
"Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish." - Albert Einstein
Champion of Myopic Half-Orcs
Winner, WBC X | |
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zenthrus
Commander
4834 Posts
SLC, UT
| | 10/23/2007 6:28 PM |
| Ooooh, that was painful. You could also substitute "mathematician" for "physicist" and the punchline works. Silly theoreticians  | |
Knight Warlord a.k.a. Commander (#32) in only 6 months. Where's my pie?
Champion of Dwarven Thunderlashers
Knight of the Large Dire Chicken
Have/Want List
Trade References | |
|
The Great
Choco Monster
Ghendar
Warlord
11226 Posts
The Dark and Forbidding Lands of The Necromancer.
| | 10/24/2007 3:30 AM |
| A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... behind him. Walking faster, he looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...
The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces quickly after him, faster...faster ...BUMP ... BUMP ...BUMP. He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin flapping...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... on the heels of the terrified man.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. With a CRASH, the coffin breaks down the door. Coming slowly towards him, the man screaming, reaches for something, anything...
All he can find is a box of cough drops!
Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin ...
and the coffin stops!
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Ghendar - Now with 51% more snark
Champion of the Spider Eater with rider.
I actually love to be swallowed. - Posted By gss_000 on 09/04/2007 2:32 PM
How many times in life do you get to eat your own Cthulhu? - Posted By Pedro on 03/31/2008 2:29 | |
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Master of the
Awesome Sauce
Teflon Jeff
Warlord
7146 Posts
Idaho. Yes, we have Gamers in Idaho.
| | 10/24/2007 2:51 PM |
| Two part joke...
Part one- "setting the mood"
Two men walk into a Bar.
The first man says "OW!"
The second man says "Yeah, I didn't see it either"
Part two: Best Joke ever
So, with that in mind...
A Baby Seal walks into a Club.
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Official Delegate, Wizards of the Coast
Against The Giants Called Shot: Huge Green Dragon
Icons Called Shot: Gargantuan Prismatic Dragon
"Rejoice, for bad things are about to happen." | |
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vanrulzz
Underboss
2468 Posts
¯\(°_o)/¯
| | 10/30/2007 1:57 PM |
| Posted By Teflon Jeff on 10/24/2007 2:51 PM
Two part joke...
Part one- "setting the mood"
Two men walk into a Bar.
The first man says "OW!"
The second man says "Yeah, I didn't see it either"
Part two: Best Joke ever
So, with that in mind...
A Baby Seal walks into a Club.
and i thought my joke was bad... | | | |
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zenthrus
Commander
4834 Posts
SLC, UT
| | 10/30/2007 2:25 PM |
| Posted By Teflon Jeff on 10/24/2007 2:51 PM
A Baby Seal walks into a Club.
Yeah...walked into the club. It's my story, and I'm sticking to it...
What's the best way to get a party girl to stop having sex?
Marry her.
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Knight Warlord a.k.a. Commander (#32) in only 6 months. Where's my pie?
Champion of Dwarven Thunderlashers
Knight of the Large Dire Chicken
Have/Want List
Trade References | |
|
Master of the
Awesome Sauce
Teflon Jeff
Warlord
7146 Posts
Idaho. Yes, we have Gamers in Idaho.
| | 10/31/2007 2:17 PM |
| Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with a used
car salesman?
A: autoexec.bat | |
Official Delegate, Wizards of the Coast
Against The Giants Called Shot: Huge Green Dragon
Icons Called Shot: Gargantuan Prismatic Dragon
"Rejoice, for bad things are about to happen." | |
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Avatar of the Irrelevant
Diomedes
Commander
3173 Posts
| | 10/31/2007 4:26 PM |
| Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with a used car salesman?
A: autoexec.bat
I gotta confess, I'm good with computers, but I just don't catch the joke. | |
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zenthrus
Commander
4834 Posts
SLC, UT
| | 10/31/2007 7:39 PM |
| Posted By Teflon Jeff on 10/31/2007 2:17 PM
Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with a used
car salesman?
A: autoexec.bat Now that's funny.
| |
Knight Warlord a.k.a. Commander (#32) in only 6 months. Where's my pie?
Champion of Dwarven Thunderlashers
Knight of the Large Dire Chicken
Have/Want List
Trade References | |
|
Fun Guy from Yuggoth
Cthulhufnord
Warlord
10802 Posts
Umass Amherst Baby!
| | 11/02/2007 10:10 AM |
| Posted By zenthrus on 10/31/2007 7:39 PM Posted By Teflon Jeff on 10/31/2007 2:17 PM
Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with a used car salesman?
A: autoexec.bat Now that's funny.
Quite. | |
Pathetic Earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void - without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe - anything at all - you would have hidden from it in terror. | |
|